The objective of a debate is to comprehend the viewpoint and logic of the other party, not to come out on top.
It appears that you and your partner have had yet another dispute. I have a feeling that the debate itself may not even be the main issue.
The issue is that you two don’t share the same viewpoint, just as in the previous dozen arguments, and you can sense a pattern emerging, leaving you feeling angry and upset.
What if I told you that you’ve probably been arguing in the incorrect manner and that the remedy was as easy as honing your empathy and listening skills?
Most couples argue ineffectively, never really getting to the root of the problem. In this post, we’ll talk about how a lack of empathy and communication could be the problem.
unhealthy types of argumentation
Let’s not fool ourselves; if you stay in a relationship long enough, disagreements will inevitably occur at some point.
You’ll be relieved to learn that having disagreements may really be a sign that you’re dating the wrong person or that your relationship is on the verge of ending. Many people believe that disputes signal the end of their romantic relationship.
This could also mean something else, like there is conflict in paradise, because, let’s face it, nobody seeks pure bliss constantly.
However, this does not imply that every type of argument is appropriate. The circumstances of a fight can reveal whether there are significant issues that you and your partner should address rather than brush aside.
The majority of the time, these issues manifest as unmet demands, such as:
Relationships require physical touch, thoughtful actions, and loving words, which may go without saying. Lack of it can be a simple and fast way to start disagreements.
According to the PubMed Center, the majority of couples feel that communicating frequently on the same wavelength is crucial to the success of their relationship. You could feel misunderstood when your significant other entirely rejects your point of view on a subject. You are more likely to feel neglected or mistreated if they ignore your feelings completely.
Autonomy: While it’s true that relationships work best when both partners are normally on the same page, it’s also not a good idea to completely disregard one’s individual freedom. At the end of the day, we are all unique people with our own interests, objectives, and morals. We must feel some kind of control over our actions.
Perhaps you’ve considered giving up altogether, or at least you may have in the past. However, in practice, that’s definitely a quicker way to break up with someone than slack communication during a dispute.
Some partners avoid talking about their problems or arguments because it makes them feel anxious. It can be the result of not wanting to offend their partner’s feelings or look terrible. As a result, they allowed resentment to gradually grow and let things lapse.
The fact is, disagreements arise in all partnerships. It matters how we respond to it. Avoiding disagreement is simpler in the short run, but it becomes problematic over time.
Arguments’ long- and short-term effects
Warlike conflicts in a relationship, such as fights over who gets to do the dishes and the kids, as well as some of the demands we previously discussed, can have an adverse effect on one’s mental and physical health over time.
In the short term, it begins with strong sensations of rage for a variety of reasons, but inwardly, it can usually result in rapid breathing. The typical reaction of your body is to panic and put you into “fight or flight” mode.
In the long run, you’re likely to develop a raging contempt for persistently unmet needs. In the worst-case scenario, rather than making the decision to leave, you act on your feelings and hurt your significant other in a way that you might later regret.
For a while now, we’ve been examining the primary drawbacks of engaging in unproductive argumentation. Let’s examine the advantages of strong argumentation. Recall the requirements we talked about? Wouldn’t it be amazing if someone could give you advice on how to solve those issues as they come up?
Well, arguments are for just that! It only takes your partner to express their wants, or vice versa, and for you to take the appropriate action to make things right.
The impact of effective communication!
You and your spouse can both grow through conflict, both personally and within your relationship. When you and your spouse argue well, a degree of trust is developed that enables you to turn to one another when you’re in trouble.
How to Listen and Be Empathetic During Debates
At this point, arguing should (hopefully) be energizing to you; it should be aggressive in a constructive way. You should keep in mind these strategies if you want a more solid relationship with your partner:
- Switch from 1 to 1 to 2 to 1
Many couples that argue tend to lose sight of the bigger picture or become too overcome by bad feelings and the heat of the moment. You two are fighting because there is a problem or issue that needs to be resolved. Rather than yelling at each other to solve it (which is the simple solution), you two should cooperate to find a solution. You two are partners, after all, so behave as such!
2. Watch and Take Notes
Shut up and wait for your partner’s comments to reveal the truth as the best method to end those back-and-forth yelling matches (because it will come out eventually). This should not be interpreted as “I’m going to sit there and say nothing the entire time.”
That’s not what I’m getting at here. Yeah, no. What I’m trying to say is to first listen to your partner’s problem without offering any judgment or even an opinion. If it’s not clear what the issue is, then sum up what they stated and check to see if it’s accurate. If not, they will increase the transparency for you until you grasp the problem.
3. Take Several Long Breaths
When your companions are at ten and you go up to ten with them, it’s simpler to act on impulse. Settle down. If necessary, take a few deep breaths through your nose and a few more through your lips. It will be simpler to empathize and recognize the reality behind their statements if you’re on four or five while they’re on ten, making it possible to get closer to a solution.
The Conclusion
Couples frequently fall into this unsettling cycle when neither partner is able to meet the other’s wants, which causes more intense arguments, irritation, and, in the worst case scenario, resentment. Being interested in your partner’s needs and willing to discuss your own might help you build a more peaceful and satisfying relationship.
